3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
