nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
