Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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