i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
