I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
