We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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