On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
