so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
