I think I died a long time ago.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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