I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
