I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
