I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
