Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
