a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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