Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
