trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
