Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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