I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
