Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
