Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am naked and annoyed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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