Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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