Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
