she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
