Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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