She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
