Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
