I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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