dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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