it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
