my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
