Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's the barista slut.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
