ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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