hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Randomize