he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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