I'm lost and stupid without you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
