you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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