I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
