mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
