I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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