this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
