so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
