My hand turned me down
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
