I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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