I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
