She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
