we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
