I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
