So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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