Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
