no one should ever give us hovercrafts
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
