apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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