Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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