Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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