she was so not down for the gang bang
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
