My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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