i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
