Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
