John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
