I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
