Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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