my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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