Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
