The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
