There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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