Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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