How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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