I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
