there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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