at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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