What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
