dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
