Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
