I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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