That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
