They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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